Friday, September 4, 2009

The art of avoiding the auto-toilet

Who in here has sat down to go number 2 and are reading their newspaper, book, or what-have-you and shift in order to provide yourself with more comfort only to have the toilet self flush on you. Not only do you get the kick back of the cold water, you may get other things to kick up too, and all of this is all too undesirable...

So what if you only have auto toilets in every stall at work? What do you do then? What do you do if these things self trigger and you are shocked with a cold blast where the sun don't shine. I can't be sitting there enjoying Shaugnessy rag on the sox when I'm getting my ass super soaked...

So i take a piece of toilet paper and cover the little infrared (the black glass) on the module where you normally would have the lever to kick on. It's the best because it's still hygienic since all you have to do is throw the paper into the toilet after and the module still flushes, and your ass don't get the rinse cycle that it probably deserves :-P



Moral: Wrap it up...

Keep dancin'

Thursday, September 3, 2009

B.Lee or M.Tyson

Realistically, who would win? Respectively these two were the best in their respective fighting styles during their peak ages, so who would win? I'm biased, so I won't be answering the question. Bruce, short and extremely fast, didn't have much mass on him, and probably wouldn't be able to take a good connection with Big Mike Tyson.

Big Mike - fast as well and probably had like 80 pounds on Lee, but was he has fast and as smooth moving around like Lee was? Tyson also didn't have much stamina after 3 rounds of battle with any one opponent. If he couldn't knock him out within the first 10 minutes, the fight probably wasn't going Tyson's way....

So who would win? Was this a street fight, as all of Bruce's fights were, or would this be in the ring? They would never meet in the ring because Bruce couldn't ever get up to Tyson's weight class, so it would have to be on the street. And we do know that B is a master of the street...



Moral: I know I said I wouldn't say anything, but Bruce would F*CK Tyson up!

Keep dancin'

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

The art of folding...

Part 2 of this infinite part series of holdem talks that I will discuss whenever the fuck I please will being right after this commercial. *Que Dos Equis Commercial song* The after party is the one you want to be at *Que End Commercial*....welcome back everyone and here goes part dos, the art of folding...

It's not enough to play your tournament game efficiently for the first half hour or so while those bumbling players are pushing all in with 3 9 off suit catching runner runner to get their flush on the river and take out good players like yourself because you didn't have the sense to fold AK off suit with rags on the flop...yes, I know, run on sentence but you deserved it...

You can't get attached to these monster hands, if you let them come in cheap because you wanted to trap, don't be reluctant to drop the monster pocket cards when the flop misses you...too many times I have learned the lesson the difficult way, not in 'Nam of course, but there are rules to this games...



Moral: Dump it if you smell something a rye...

Keep dancin'

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Khangink Around...Khangink Around...

Kid's giat alligator blood...it's all about chip/time management. I'm no expert, but on the tid bits I have read about holdem poker, and the countless viewings of Rounders qualifies me to speak on the matter as if I were...so here goes something...the act of hanging around when you are playing in a tournament...

Tournament poker, greasers and greasettes, is complex, exciting, frustrating, aggravating, stimulating, and down right constipating! Seriously folks, there are many ways to approach tournament poker, none any more right than the other, but the small amount of advice I would like to share with you is simple...When you first begin make sure to play almost no hands for the first 30 or so hands (that's only 3 goes about the table)...

Now, that's not to say fold aces, kings, AK, QQ, etc etc etc...but in all reality, fold for the first 30 hands and be mindful to the amount of knuckleheads that drop like mosquitoes to a mosquito zapper...it's almost astonishing how many people play overly aggressive coming to the gas for a premature ejaculation...



Moral: It's all about taking your time and massaging the situation...

Keep dancin'

Monday, August 31, 2009

Ben & Jerry's

So the game plan was to head out into town with my boy yanitz to grab a few drinks and party some but I ended up playing some online poker, hitting up best buy, picking up the new batman game for PS3 and rockin out with my cousins. We tried to play some more poker online but the visa line was a bust...

So instead we decided to munch on some of the best stuff on Earth...Chocolate Fudge Brownies by B&J! OHHHH YEAAAHHHHH GUUUUYSSS!!!!! Housed a one pinter in a matter of 15 minutes, mind you, this after 4 Napoleons earlier on in the evening and a few croissants filled with chocolate...i mean how much greasier can I get at this point....

Plenty I say! PLENTY! I took down arizona green tea with ginseng the side...with some sun chips, and ranch flavored sun flower seeds. It had been months since I binged like this and I feel as though I earned it. However I got this put belly thing staring back at me saying - You fucking asshole - you were almost there...



Moral: Puttin the 8-pack on hold...

Keep dancin'