Friday, April 17, 2009

Say you found a lamp right

Then you say to yourself, shit there may be a Jeannie inside said lamp I should rub it. So you go ahead and rub it. Nothing happens. Then you rub it some more. Yet again, nothing happens. Nice thing is you believe something will happen, so you give it a really hard rub, you rub this lamp down in hopes of that Jeannie and poof! Holy cow dung there she is...a real life fucking Jeannie!

Now your typical dialog proceeds. Jeanie says, I will grant you three wishes, anything your heart desires. Of course she is really, really, really attractive and you really can't help yourself with the goo-goo gaga eyes. She knows this. It's happened to everyone who has ever rubbed it, i mean her, i mean the lamp, i mean...you know what i mean...You finally gather yourself and begin to compose sentences that make no sense what so ever...

Jeannie knows this. Jeannie starts being fed up with you eye-fucking here and says, make your wishes, OK! So you begin to ponder what it is your heart really desires. What three things will complete you if you had them, and maybe then you begin to realize you have no clue what you want. You may think you know what you want, but you really don't know. How do you go about finding out what you really want...damned if I know, Jeanie's standing here waiting on my wishes...



Moral: I think I'll hold off so I can still hang out with Jeannie

Keep Dancin'

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Tiger WOO...Tiger WOOOOOO

Golf. The anomaly that is. 300+ yards, a small fucking hole and a smaller ball. Club with some weird shaped head. Get there. SHHHHH. Focus. Center yourself. Center yourself again. Re-focus. SHHHHH. Wind yourself every so slowly. Get your knees and hips into it. Don't forget to keep your eye on the ball. Crank and watch that sucker fly...

The game, yes game, it's not a sport, you don't sweat, you don't get heckled, you don't hit a moving object; shit you don't even carry your own clubs. You get assistance from your caddy on which way the grass breaks, the wind blows, the ball rolls...people are shhhhh-ed in order for you to focus and get a clean shot off, what kind of a sport is that? Monopoly has more action!

I had a discussion the other day at the shop that Golf was harder than baseball...Yeah. Ok. A ball moving 50 to 100 mph, dipping, rising, curving splitting, sinking, etc etc etc....yeah ok golf is harder....people cheering, booing, yelling, spitting...yeah ok golf is harder....bases loaded, bottom of the ninth, 2 outs 2 stikes...



Moral: Watching the ball sail out of the park by Manny Fucking Ramirez during ring 1 and ring 2....priceless! On that note I am ordering clubs to show Nooks what's up...i'll give you guys play by play sometime this summer...

Keep dancin'

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

REGULATOR!!!!

Regulator!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I regulate any buying and selling of this property

And I'm damn good too

But I ain't no geek off the street,

Gotta be handy with the buy/hold

If you know what I mean, you can't sleep

Regulators! Mount up!

It was a clear cut stock, a clear white lie

Warren B was on the floor, trying to just buy

Some funds for my eve, so I can get some growth

Just rollin' in my ride, chillin' all alone

Just hit the 6th page of the Wall Street J

On a mission trying to find Mr. Warren B.

Seen a hall full of chumps with no strategy

All you sharks know what's up when you see me

So I hooks a left and head to two-oh on broad street

Some esquire sellin stock so I said "Let's do this"

I pulled out my cash

And said "How much?"

Joe the plumber pulled bonds so I said "No Luck."

Since these bums selling junk, I'm goin to buy and hold

The amature buying high and then selling low

Won'tcha give it some time, instead of being rash

Else I'll buy your company, put make some more cash

Mass hysteria's here, People losing themself

I can't believe, I'm making more wealth

I keep buying shares, of whatever I see

I looked at the N-Y-S-E and said "Damn, I own THEE!"



Moral: B-Funk, step to him, and he'll buy you....

Keep dancin'

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

It's been weeks...

Weeks I tell you...Weeks! I get a call from my cuz DzL and he suggests, oh man does he suggest, for me to get one of the most wonderful, the most tasty, the most greasy sub this side of the mason dixon line (which is up for debate btw). A large chicken Parmesan sub with lettuce, a little bit of mayo, a lotta hots, extra provolone and some sweet sauce...on a seeded bun...man oh man...

But not only that have I been waiting weeks for...part 2 of this delicious entree was the beverage that was to wash down the hearty meal. That beverage being none other than Coca-Cola in the glass bottle. Now for those of you who enjoy Coke over Pepsi, one point for you...and for those of you who have drank from the glass bottle you have no reservation in agreeing with me when I say it is the best carbonated beverage on the face of God's green Earth!

The first bite, the second, the third, and so on and so forth, followed by the savory crisp taste of that fresh cola which makes the tip of your nose tingle...each and every bite jolts the taste buds with flavors, aroma and energy giving me motivation to devour not one, but two, yes two, 2 I SAYS, of them!!!!



Moral: Mmmm...Mmmm...GREASY!

Keep Dancin'

Monday, April 13, 2009

How amazing is he?

He is amazing. From powerful statements to video game prowess, he rages in the office and at home. He has been defined by online gamers as a hacker. Hacker because he is so good that when he enters rooms he rips people apart from games like CS to Halo. Master chief is what he is and also for some reason refers to his mother as.

Confused already, befuddled a bit, comprehending who this may be? His boss has uttered to him "Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before, and your it." Still rationalizing the person I am talking about? It would be difficult for you to know the anomaly that I speak of unless you have seen him tearing about the streets looking for children to suck in through the hood-scoop of his Subaru WRX STI...

He scarfs down Chinese food on a regular. Drinks soda 3-liters at a time. Smokes smokeless tobacco in his mouth, both during his spare time and on the clock. Yes, he can get on your nerves, if you don't understand the sensitivity that is behind is scarred eye; an eye that was was almost lost due to a lady who was speeding around a corner to get somewhere in a hurry. An animal lover like no other...Murdock!



Moral: "I'm currently building up my army of super computers that will one day run Skynet." - Murdock....what ambition he has!

Keep Dancin'